pimples lots of pimples

just thought it was a cute picture, it totally doesn't relate to anything i just wrote. lol

wow its been a while since i wrote on this blog practically last year. well so much has happened since then. i have now graduated. i am kind of dissappointed with myself because i feel that i should have kept up with this blog for myself sake, i like to come back and read them even though no one reads them lol. i like to to keep it like a journal even though its a public one. but i am okay with my life being somewhat public at least the sane part, i am kind of an insane person sometimes lol. yes i am a college graduate yeaaaaaaa, no yeaaaaa, well yeaaa because at least is part of the journey but i feel somewhat nostalgia, no necessarily sad then i thought, i thought i was never going to let go of the idea of living lamar the school i spent 4 years of my life, the school i practically grew up in, i started the school when i was 15 now i am 19, i spent the rather mature part of my life there so its kind of weird actually to me i don't feel so sad i feel nostalgic because i think of the possiblilites of everything and is what keeps me thinking about the school enviromentness. but i feel that it is something more than me that keeps me from being sad, i mean sad is such a big emotion to use graduating from college most people would be elated but i am happy, i do count my blessings but me not feeling sad is like a awesome ness for me based on my personalities i hate saying goodbyes, i am such a memory hug i save everything. i don't like saying goodbyes to a point that when i go somewhere when its time to go i kind of dissappear sometimes, which some people think is rude, but its just me, i kind of like to dissappear before the goodbyes come. I know is God preparing me for my future, He is like my child don't worry i got bigger dreams for you and i am like yeaa You sure do lol. 

Well now the tittle pimples lots of pimples, well i have pimples on my face lots of them right now, i am typing this blog pretty early in the morning 4:28am to be exact, i said i was insane, when something is bothering me like many i suppose i can't sleep, and i don't know my skin is dehydrated, it just doesn't look nice, i don't feel pweety, i feel like a monster and i have to go to a wedding tomorrow and see a friend i have not seen in a long time, i just want to be myself, not a pimple version of me. so its part of whats keeping me up, i kind of have an anxiety about my skin. its something this is yes agree silly, i am not nostalgic at all, see i don't go out alot since i have been home and it sucks the time i want to go out i have skin is acting up. i went to the movies with some friends from church, i just feeling so self concious about my skin, and my hideous hair. lol. i just want to be comfortable thats all. but watching inception was great. going out with people was great, i think i just need to get over myself. GET OVER YOUR SELF MARIA lol. okay but thats what i am feeling, i can't hide my feelings from my self. lol but i am really an optimistic being down is not good. i think the reason i am really up because i am half sugar right now. i drank a frappe and ate chocolate cookies, i have so much sugar in me, it make me not want to sleep. Well in all i hate complaining its so gross, but i am excited for the wedding to take pictures, laugh, cry, be with friends, just another day to praise God. yeaaaaa so i am happy. The one thing this pimple can't take away from me its my internal happiness. So plan for early in the morning clean up cat poop in the closet, go to walgreens and take math exam, i didn't know you needed to take a math exam to work at walgreens kind of trippy. just relax and get ready for the wedding. use any kind of method to make my skin look not so bad. oh and eat. Rocking out to Beckah Shae Here in this Moment, awesome song. you know what CHristian songs lifts my spirits because thats where the truth is and where true confidence is at. Well sooo much to blog about my journey to My dreams. well just now i am going to order the GRE book which i haven't yet i had two months and i did nothing, moments like this makes me feel so undeserving, like it hurts to pray to do well in the exam i feel so undeserving, but i do it i try i hoping to order the book soon and start studying, i have a feeling i need to do really really well on this exam i feel everything is depending on it. Well i am applying to go to school in January 2011 at St. Georges University that is my dream school to go to to do public health with an epidemiology tract, i really haven't looked at any other schools which may be stupid but i will i need too just incase i don't get accepted to SGU but i pray to God even though i feel so underserving with my lazy habits. well we will see how this journey goes, life after college, i am like a bum really lol taking joy in every day to  day little moments. Hope to write more on this blog. It feels so far away right now, my dream of being a traveling public health missionarist, really far. but one step at a time as the saying goes. 

this is to you pimples